


The Giraffe told Gossip about the Cucco

by nullberry



Series: Linked Universe [2]
Category: Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: But I was the one who asked so who deserved it?, Crack, Gen, He gave me a dumb prompt, I asked my bro for a prompt, I don't back down, ME - Freeform, Stupidity, botw, breath of the wild - Freeform, idk man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 23:54:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20629634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nullberry/pseuds/nullberry
Summary: Only read this if your sleep deprivation has put you into an extremely giggly mood.Otherwise, you will be horribly bored and unimpressed by the stupidity that is this fic.





	The Giraffe told Gossip about the Cucco

**Author's Note:**

  * For [My brother](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=My+brother).

> I was walking with my brother, itching to write, so I asked him for a prompt. He responded with, "The giraffe told gossip about the chicken."  
Stupid, but I dared to ask, so here we are.

The group of heroes had been in Wild’s Hyrule for some time now, and they had been camping out for what seemed like weeks. The relief that spread through the group when Wild informed them that they’d be at a stable by the end of the day had been tangible, and Wind all but ran to the building when they saw the giant horse head in the near-distance. Within a few minutes of arriving they had settled in, some making casual conversation while others decided to take full advantage of the fact that they  _ were finally sleeping in beds _ .

Time was sitting off to the side of the Riverside Stable, chatting with the owner. He wasn't sure how it had been brought up, but suddenly the stable owner was telling stories of Link.

_ Absolutely ridiculous stories of Link. _

Link riding various animals to the stable, only to be informed that  _ no, a bear is not a horse. No, mooses don't count no matter how much they look alike. Get off of the stalhorse, Link. _

Time listened, snickering slightly at the strange antics of the local hero- but he also couldn't help but think:

_ What in Hylia's name, Wild? _

\---

He had kept the info to himself- it was funny, but he hadn't wanted to embarrass the hero unnecessarily. He had noted the anxiety the boy seemed to carry, and had no reason to heighten those feelings.

Until of course, they arrived in Hateno, and he was once again told of some of the boy’s endeavors.

Such as when he had shown up to the Kochi Dye Shop, in his underwear, and tried to dye it. Time stared at the store owner in disbelief for a moment, waiting to be told that it wasn't true…

But the owner just stood there and laughed to himself, shaking his head. Time chuckled along a few moments after, recalling how Wild jumped into lakes after having stripped to his underwear to 'fish' several times. This wasn't too far out there for him.

He caught sight of Legend in the corner of his eye, beckoning him to rejoin the group.

"What are you smiling about, old man?" Legend was squinting at him suspiciously, his arms crossed. Time just shook his head, hardly containing a laugh as he said, 

"Wild's a nudist."

Legend raised his eyebrows in simultaneous question and surprise, looking Time over for any signs of sarcasm. Seeing no gives, he took a breath, his brows furrowing.

" _ What in Hylia's name, Wild? _ ”

\---

The more time they spent in Wild’s Hyrule, the more stories Time heard. Several citizens had stories of him saving them with… strange methods. Flaming soup spoons, raining fire from above (supposedly on a flying log), flying metal doors (somehow), and sometimes just lighting everything on fire. It was a bit scary to hear about, if he was being completely honest.

There were also some who insisted the boy could fly if he squatted for a moment. Some said he could summon force fields, or lightning--but Wild had always been clear that almost all of his abilities and items were science-based, not magic. Time wasn't sure if he could believe those stories.

_ And then there were all the stories of Wild's suitors. _

Time couldn't understand it. Sure, the Links had realized fairly quickly: they were all constantly hit on. It was a pattern in each hero's life, but Wild-- _ Wild was in a whole other realm. _

Everywhere they went in his Hyrule,  _ someone _ was clearly stumbling over themselves to impress him, and sometimes they just… obviously and tactlessly flirted with him.

And the kid was oblivious. He mentioned to the group that he didn't know why people were so nice to him, and their jaws just dropped. His response to their reactions only blew their minds further.

"What?"

Needless to say, Time didn't know what to think of any of the stories he had heard. He had seen the kid do some wack stuff. The kid clearly didn't have a great concept of what was normal and what wasn't. And yet, it was so hard to believe the stories. They were just  _ so out there. _

\---

After over a month in this Hyrule--much longer than they were usually in one's Hyrule--Time was on the verge of cracking. He had to talk with someone, he needed to know what was real and what wasn't-- _ if only Malon were here.  _ But she wasn't, and his grip on reality was quickly loosening.

So one night, as Wild and Wolfie did a perimeter check, Time sat the group down.

"Boys, I don't know what to believe anymore."

They were all immediately listening closely, a variety of expressions on their faces. Confusion, concern, a little bit of fear and anticipation--  _ what could have shaken up Time so badly? _

"It's Wild. He… he's an enigma. I don't know what he's actually done.  **I can't figure it out.** " 

At this point,  _ everyone's _ expression had turned to confusion, not really knowing where this came from (save for Warriors, who's expression turned blank and removed at his words).

The rest glanced at each other for a few beats, trying to wordlessly come up with some kind of explanation; until finally Four spoke up.

"Could you elaborate?" Time stared at him, his eyes wide and panicked. He took a breath and opened his mouth, but didn't seem able to find the words.

After a few moments of watching Time struggle to find words, Legend jumped in. "Wait-- does this have to do with Wild being a nudist? Or the sheer amount of people swooning in his presence?" He paused. "Actually, those two things might be connected…"

_ The more they talked the more confused the group became. _

Time nodded, Legend joining in the motion. "It's not just that though." He looked up to Legend, a haunted, far-off look in his eyes, and held the eye contact for a few moments. He sighed, dropping his gaze once more. "I don't think he's even mortal at this point. He's 117, he fights using the weirdest and most dangerous tactics, he tries to take any animal in all of existence as a pet--it's as if he thinks he can't die. Only an immortal would risk the plans he risks--and with his missing memories, he might just not remember his true godly identity."

He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, and giving the group a short beat to process his words. "Boys, I don't think he's the Hero of the Wild." He looked each of the boys in the eyes before continuing, "I think he's the God of the Wild."

\---

A few minutes later, Wild returned with Twilight, only to stop and look on in confusion at the sight of the camp. Everyone was there, but they were all face down on the ground, bowing in his direction.

  
"... _ What in Hylia's name, guys? _ "


End file.
